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And perhaps those were the happy years, at least compared to these last few months where a newly awakened need to get away had started to make my life almost as miserable as those first few months of married life. I stood there sipping a glass of champagne, smiling to everyone that passed me by, the ever increasing need to scream, rage and cry almost overwhelming me. It had been like this since that one Thursday evening with my friends when Sarah had told us that she longed for someone she could love and Mary had laughed and said ‘be careful what you wish for’. Something had just clicked in my mind right then and there, the calm grayness that surrounded me had started to slip away and I became aware of my own thoughts and feelings again. And I started crying myself to sleep every night and woke up screaming every morning. Very silently of course, because I knew the punishment that followed unwanted bursts of emotion. How I wished I could be free from this miserable life and brave. Nothing Hollywood or cliche, but just the moments during a conversation when you look into each other's eyes and within a laugh or pause you feel a little vulneraility on her part. Before flirting. A slight acknowledgement of sexual chemistry that is never said or acted upon. But I couldn't put it off any longer. She had to be let go. She wasn't even watching the floor for shoplifters anymore! And it cost me more to have her on than she made on her shifts. I was actually losing money! So I waited for the end of her shift one night and decided to break the news. I was sure it come as a shock since I never led on that this coming or that I was dissapointed. We had just had a boxset worth over $150 get stolen on her shift today and it wasn't the first time. So I was pretty pissed off.She came into the back room after closing and I asked her to sit down."I have to let you go. I'm sorry, this just isn't working out." I was cold. I had to be, this is what you do as an employer.She was calm.
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